Hey there,

I’m supposed to be sleeping, but yet again I’m high on tiredness.

It’s been pretty eventful after exams after graduation from studies, schools, projects everything! Quite busy, and working hard, hopefully hard enough to do whatever I want and need to do.

But anyway, project finding ego has been going rather well I must say. Even though I’m not exactly fit or anything, I am starting to love myself more, for whoever I am. And I’m starting to do things that I want to do, instead of sitting there and think till the next day comes and thinking again why am I such a loser.

But you know what I realise? I actually want to like the way I am – not exactly a very nice person inside, has tonnes of grudges holding against people I don’t like, jealousy sometimes of people being better (which is really not a bad thing sometimes because it just makes me want to work harder), not exactly pretty, quite fat and always grumbling about it. I guess I can and I will, for I guess change comes from within and accepting myself is kind of the first step?

I want to be better, and I want to live life for the moment, and to the fullest in the way I want and should be.

So today, margie was asking me, what’s it that I will regret the most if I were to die the next moment?

I thought for very long, before coming up with the most ridiculous statement which I shocked myself badly.

“for not taking the risk and telling 37 how I felt.”

Which is kind of sad. And yet good. So so far, the only thing that I hasn’t been doing right in my subconscious mind was about him. Which doesn’t matter actually. I loved for the past 2 yrs and I lost, but both with all my heart. Studies were never in my field, I managed pretty okay (this semester is ridiculous too), I did things I love, I found photography, designing, fashion designing. Maybe I’d really regret not spending enough time with mommy and daddy for the past half of the year, all thanks to school, thus proving again my distaste for school.

So the only thing enough to make me headdeskheadwallfacepalm when I die is not telling. I hope it remains that way. haha.

But then again. I wouldn’t consciously step into another shithole again. Tired of all the heart-crap.

love,

me. (:

ps, please support my shop when it’s up hehehheheh