Seriously in need of discipline

people are always saying I seem really relaxed and slack and “nothing to do” like that. actually, I’m not, really. It’s just that I’ve got a severe lack of discipline. Working from home, own time own target is uber awesome, seriously, just that you really need alot of self discipline to get things into place. Just like now, when I’m doing a min of transcript, I’d start loitering around websites and now I’m blogging. Sigh.

But my life has never been so fulfilling lately. I think I’ve finally found the direction I want in life, and things just seem to be much clearer now. No matter how I arrived to the decision of studying photography (hopefully) in the near future, or what and who influenced me away or towards the decision of going into it more seriously, I am grateful for all of it.

Besides, I took mz’s camera with the awesome f 35mm lens on Friday and did a set of pictures with margie – the initial plan was to take pictures for her online collection but ended up me playing barbie doll on her. I’m really wondering if I improved or not, but I would like to say I did, despite the fact that it turned out really well because of the model + the awesome lens.

Here are some of it that I’ve uploaded on flickr.

There are more on facebook (: Please, give me some comments if any of you are reading these, and tell me if there are any ways to improve it.

and this cute grey and pink sneakers has officially up-ed itself on my want-list! but it’d cost a hefty 99$ – which with that I can get ANOTHER pair of heels which I saw awhile ago which is 80$. Okay this is getting bad.

Will update again, soon! I need to get past the 10 mins mark for mins’ dad’s transcript haha.

while at times I grimaced at people’s tones when they talk, probably, I will need to take extra care with the way I talk too.

one day however I think. I’d be left with noone but myself to talk to. except probably for someone who doesn’t judge me the way I judge myself.

pretty tricky, but I guess I’m really better off alone, im many times.

aw

Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around.

You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more.

You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you.

When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement.

They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself.

Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful.

There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are.

The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever.

Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant.

Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all.

A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby.

Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you.

You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do.

Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon.

You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible.

You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you.

You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile.

Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.

— Bob Marley (via creampuff)

I think I found you.

Up

One of the greatest thing Mr. Danny Tan has taught me so far was that we must always bring people up- not putting them down, and basically, in anyway possible, make another person feel the best they can.

I wish I’m blessed with such an ability, to make the pain of people I love go away. The handful of them, and yet everytime I seem to be not knowing what to say to make one who’s angry un-mad, another who’s heartbroken happy, another who’s sad pick up her dreams.

It frustrates me, why is life like that. Why can’t we all be contented, moderately happy. Why are there so many questions that humans ask? Of life, of celestial beings, of people around us, of why people feel, why people constantly feel this way.

It frustrates me too that try as I might, I sometimes feel so weak myself I don’t know how to keep picking a person up when I see her/him falling. I feel tired too, seeing things like this.

K was saying earlier this afternoon, you cannot please everyone. I do know very well of that, but I somehow always feel, it’d be so awesome if I have the ability to at least, make people happy for that instant when they’re unhappy.

It just makes me sad. I wish I’d stop being so affected.

I will be.

Okay it’s going to be a new new month soon, and it’s high time to get my life back on track.

So here is my new list of to-dos. Since I’m such a highly UNmotivated individual, I will try the very best I can to keep my list in track.

Here goes.

1. Sleep at 12am, wake up at 7am. That shouldn’t be too hard right?!
2. After waking up at 7am, kindly drag myself off for a 30mins run/swim and exercise till 8-9am
3. Start working (on whatever should be done) at 10am.
4. Seriously, no more bubble tea. It’s damn evil.
5. So hopefully, lose 3kgs by 30th Oct.
6. Mind my speech.
7. Stop freaking procrastinating. Things to be done  must be done that day.
8. Curb spending.
9. Start filling up whatever job applications I’ve as usual, procrastinating for awhile.
10. Figure out what I really want. Lock on and move in.

I think it’s the last night tonight that I’d be second guessing myself and my decisions. And maybe, try not to base my decisions on others.

I will be, whatever I want myself to be.

another moment of how words are failing me badly.

can’t find a position for myself to you.

Falling in love

Before you can grow up, you must fall in love 3 times.

Once you must fall in love with your best friend, ruining your friendship forever. This will teach you who your true friends are, and the fine line between friendship and more.

Once you must fall in love with someone you believe to be perfect. You will learn that no one is perfect, and that you should never be treated as any less than you deserve.

And once you must fall in love with someone that is exactly like you. This will teach you about who you are, and who you want to be.

And when you’re through with all that, you learn that the people who care about you the most are the ones that you hurt, and the ones that hurt you are the ones that you needed the most.

But most of all, you learn that love is only a concept and is not something that can be defined, it is different to each person that experiences it. And you will learn to respect each and every person on this earth, knowing that everyone only wants to be loved.

— Unknown (via mahal-kita) (via jhes-sza) (via ghur) (via wakingtosunsets) (via danieveryday) (via pocketfulofhope) (via overflowing)

(taken from http://lovebot.tumblr.com)

I was talking to margie about this awhile ago, and mavis last night. And somehow concluded that all three are done for me. Hm. First two yes. The most similar to me apparently is a said person now, but I’m not too sure myself.

Does this mean that you’re gonna become a memory, a person of the past too?

Sometimes, I wish with all my might that I can protect the people I love, to take their pain away. But many times, I realise that I do not have the ability and strength to do so. And what’s worse, I add to their pain.

I wish for you to be happy, that’s all that I really want, for now.

stupidity is the bane of my existence.

so today was yet another lousy day due to many reasons. it’s almost entirely my fault and i’ve got nothing much to say in my own defence.

after the initial shock of how stupid i am to have been so stupid, i’m not that angry with the fact that i’m acting stupid. after all… that was what i wanted, to be stupid for once.

i’d just let it go and see how it goes. no more of moping over issues and i’d be back, very soon. say, tomorrow.

=(

don’t know why…

sorry for being a lousy friend.

It’s a new month!

sticky note for the next month and next few days!

1) I should kick my habit of eating supper. Probably will do good for my body! No food after 6pm.

2) Eat more fruits!

3) Wake up at 730am latest to RUN RUN RUN.

4) Kick start diet plan-start buying the cereal bars + green tea at daiso. Bars to replace lunch the chewier the better so can feel damn full and green tea for that caffeine and yet without the sugar. LATTE  IS EVIL.

5) No buying of anymore lousy drinks like bubble tea haha. If really am craving for mr.bean please order one with no sugar.

6) When in doubt of whether to eat or to starve, DRINK WATER.

That’s all.

Yes I’m in that kinda I must be healthy and fit mood again.

*trods off to sleep*