It’s 2:24am and I suddenly have alot to say.

Hi there are quite a number of incomplete things, but I shall do it after sleeping later.

There were quite a number of things that made me reflect quite abit upon my life and life in general lately. While typing this, my brain’s still moving too fast thinking of things too far. “A realist.”, as mavis said last night. I can’t seem to dream of things that I may not have before catching myself and hitting myself for being irrational. So goes with my future, my dreams, my relationships with people.

And here, I just saw an update which made me switch back to the msn window to check it out, realising that the person’s has already gone offline.

A moment of thinking “should I?” results in a moment lost of doing something on impulse and probably turning it into something nice.

Minutes of staying annoyed at a certain thing made me lose many seconds of happiness.

Days of wishing that I would be better made me lose many moments of really working on making myself better.

Times of thinking of the futrure made me lose the time I have now to make things Now right.

Seconds on pondering why people fall in love made me lose the times when I used to have faith that there is love.

Trying desperately to grasp things that slips in the passage of time made me lost whatever that’s in my hands now, even faster than before.

Suddenly, I’m feeling rather adventurous tonight. Can I do this this way? Or that way? Should I take it up? Should I say this to you? Or you?? Can I am I should I?

On another note, I really love the people around me. Looking at them, makes me really thankful, for whoever up there has given me, despite the fact that I believe that nobody has it all, I’m having enough that makes me happy.

I guess this is the thing that has been missing from my life for awhile. The peace and bliss that happens from inside me, the satisfaction of accomplishing things that I never thought I could, the reflection that drives myself hopefully, forward, and not harping and angsting over the same things, over the same people.

They say life’s a sine curve, it goes up and down. I seriously want my life to be a straight line if that’s the case. I’d have enough blessings, not enough to make me go up high, but I won’t have enough taken away from me to bring me down.

I’m here to clear my brain abit before I sleep.

Have no idea why but it seems to be in a jumbled mess, moving on and on and too fast for me to catch up with it. For these few days I’ve been terribly busy sewing, managing to produce some pieces that I never knew I could. Even though it was pretty basic I’m pretty proud of myself that I’m finally friends with my sewing machine. But as I kept myself busy, albeit not by choice, I wish I could stop my brain from twirling for awhile.

Too many people’s voices, images are floating around at random timings, and I need to throw out some of it. Probably and to find some courage for the rest of it.

I miss you, you and you and you. Grab all of ya soon.

Humongous headache

One of my favourite pics of margie I took (:

Had been busy with sewing lately, the machine certainly ain’t my best friend. Doesn’t help that my head seems fried and weighed down like mad.

Will update everything when I’m free-er.

Officially creeped out by myself

Ok, so the story goes, there was this time when aL and I were in chinatown like, last year or something and she insisted on trying this skirt which she won’t really wear etc because… the shopkeeper was cute. HAHA. I didn’t realised that he is really, until the past few weeks when I was thromping around chinatown lately. Like, 4 times a week kind of thing.

Today, I was there again and aL no longer thinks that he’s cute. Sigh. (cos she says he looks like wilber, and she doesn’t really like wilber.) sad.

Now, I’m terribly disturbed because out of hand-itchiness I googled the shop name + chinatown, and then I found out the name of the person in question, and out of hand-itchiness (and serious curiousity of my stalking skills) I found his facebook and realised that he’s a friend’s friend.

I’m officially terrified. T_T

I’m gonna be with you gonna be with you

Haha. Still currently immersed in Wilber’s new songs yo.

But anyway, margie showed me New Moon’s trailer. And I felt a tiny weeny bit of reluctance when I’m watching. I don’t know why though, but probably I’m afraid of watching and immersing myself in 2 person’s relationship which won’t ever happen in real life.

I remember after watching Twilight I was quite awed by the love Edward and Bella have, but I also pulled myself out of it pretty fast without obsessing over Robert Pattinson (maybe because he seems like a really bland person being himself and not Edward haha). So yes, I delayed the reading of the books too, partly because if I’ve read the book I’d probably won’t want to watch the movie, and partly because I’m fully aware that humans can never be like that, we live for ourselves, we love, so we can be loved too.

And so, I forgot what happened, but margie half yelled at me once, “CAN YOU STOP BEING SO PRACTICAL IN RELATIONSHIPS!? YOU CANNOT BE RATIONAL IN LOVE. Be more romantic can!??!”

… have yet to fall enough, don’t understand.

You wanna say love love lalalala

(I’m damn addicted to Wilber’s new song hehehehehehe)

…. hot hot hot hot hot.

*pauses fangirl moment*
Hi there!

Just finished two days of shooting auntie py’s company’s workshop thingie. It’s quite tiring standing and shooting and listening to a certain *cough* young girl bossing around (to the extend of turning my camera lens to tell me to zoom in. thank you very much I don’t need you to tell me how to turn the lens AND who the hell turns a photographer’s lens while the person’s taking pics?!).

Pictures should be fine, but my wallet isn’t. I conveniently woke up at 845am today, when I was supposed to be there (Central, Clark Quay), at 9am. Thankfully, the event starts at 930am so I could cab down. The bad news was that it was peak hour, thus it cost $17.50. Yay to me, and it is quite a classic case of how wanyu phails in life. Sigh.

Watched Blood: The Last Vampire. Eh I found it QUITE COOL! But the audience was ridiculous. There were dying scenes, or quite gory scenes, and they laughed very happily. It was really weird. But anyway, the only problem was that the plot was quite weak, and the devil creature when it changes forms was too funny to be scary. The acting, cast and cinematography were quite brilliant though. And I just got enlightened that Gianna Jun, is actually Jun Ji-Hyun aka that pretty girl from My Sassy Girl. HAHA! She changed her name!

And I blogged halfway and I forgot what happened that made me want to blog. HAHA.

Hmm. I think after staying clean for say.. 3-4weeks of infiltration of mind it’s coming back. Shall see what happens. Guess no more fear this time.  But anyway, gotta buck up buck up!!! bye (:

hihi yes, i’m alive.

Hey there,

I’m supposed to be sleeping, but yet again I’m high on tiredness.

It’s been pretty eventful after exams after graduation from studies, schools, projects everything! Quite busy, and working hard, hopefully hard enough to do whatever I want and need to do.

But anyway, project finding ego has been going rather well I must say. Even though I’m not exactly fit or anything, I am starting to love myself more, for whoever I am. And I’m starting to do things that I want to do, instead of sitting there and think till the next day comes and thinking again why am I such a loser.

But you know what I realise? I actually want to like the way I am – not exactly a very nice person inside, has tonnes of grudges holding against people I don’t like, jealousy sometimes of people being better (which is really not a bad thing sometimes because it just makes me want to work harder), not exactly pretty, quite fat and always grumbling about it. I guess I can and I will, for I guess change comes from within and accepting myself is kind of the first step?

I want to be better, and I want to live life for the moment, and to the fullest in the way I want and should be.

So today, margie was asking me, what’s it that I will regret the most if I were to die the next moment?

I thought for very long, before coming up with the most ridiculous statement which I shocked myself badly.

“for not taking the risk and telling 37 how I felt.”

Which is kind of sad. And yet good. So so far, the only thing that I hasn’t been doing right in my subconscious mind was about him. Which doesn’t matter actually. I loved for the past 2 yrs and I lost, but both with all my heart. Studies were never in my field, I managed pretty okay (this semester is ridiculous too), I did things I love, I found photography, designing, fashion designing. Maybe I’d really regret not spending enough time with mommy and daddy for the past half of the year, all thanks to school, thus proving again my distaste for school.

So the only thing enough to make me headdeskheadwallfacepalm when I die is not telling. I hope it remains that way. haha.

But then again. I wouldn’t consciously step into another shithole again. Tired of all the heart-crap.

love,

me. (:

ps, please support my shop when it’s up hehehheheh

No strudels. >=\

Yesterday, margie and I were out, and (more about the outing next time if I feel like it, heh) we went to eat apple strudel when we walked past bugis.

So technically, we’re supposed to be eating apple strudel, at that shop opposite bugis junction. We were debating on whether to get a half strudel to share, or buy two slices. The auntie there insisted that half strudel is more worth it, and under my confusion (I seriously remember my parents buying an entire strudel and gobbling it up within the three of us o_o guess that’s why I’m this size HAH.), we bought it. Take note here that we were debating if we should have  a half or sliced strudel, it was never about the flavours.

margie went to the washroom, and I stared around the shop (there’s a gigantic mona lisa picture there) and when I turned back, I realised that the auntie had cut the strawberry strudel instead.

So here we go,

me: auntie, we wanted apple strudel leh..
auntie: huh, you two pointed at the strawberry one what. I cut already lor.
me: but we told you apple, not strawberry.
auntie: I asked you strawberry or not. you said “ah. strawberry.”
me: no I didn’t. but sorry anyway if you heard wrongly?
auntie: somemore you SEE ME CUTTING. *raises voice*
me: I didn’t.
auntie: aiya, apple one not nice one la. strawberry nicer. eat strawberry.
*margie comes out of washroom*
me: margie she cut strawberry leh.
margie: huh?
me: ya.
margie: uh.
me: ya. how.
margie: do we look like we have a choice??!
me: no.
margie: then ok lor.
me: ok. *to auntie* ok lor.
auntie: really la, the apple one hor eat alr will sian one. the strawberry one won’t. eat strawberry one, maybe you all will like. Sorry ok. sorry. sorry.
us: ……

Firstly, what seriously appalled me was that the first thing that came out of her mouth was that she cut already, and that it’s our fault for pointing. So she didn’t hear us say? Because why? She was listening to the 4D  results playing at the background. And besides, secondly. What’s up with saying that you own food is not nice and “eat already will sian”  just to push the other flavour to us? It’s not only rude but it’s also seriously dumb to say that. Are you telling me that next time, I should not eat the apple flavour? But I only LIKE the apple flavour. So how? And why didn’t you tell the other customers coming in later that “apple one eat already will sian”?

I mean, granted, yes she said sorry. But it came too late, and I seriously felt like a  13$ wasted. I wonder if it would have been better if we left without even eating the strawberry strudel. But then again, I am a cheapo and I don’t have the seh to just walk out you know?

So it’d be the last time I’d be eating at the stall. Please speak super loudly to the auntie if you’re going there though. Oh and remember, apple eat already very sian one. Eat strawberry.

indigo.

yes in case you’re wondering, that is an awesome foul word.

long story on why indigo is a foul word, but, I say, indigo it.

stomach turned over something. get a life, you. and grow up. seriously. thanks for contributing to my incoming hits anyway.

oh and by the way, sucks to be you.

魚和水的故事

Okay, I’m super uber distracted. It’s no easy feat to use google as your textbook Hhahaha.

but here’s something, I find quite cornily meaningful. Ripped off  my fav girl!! Ariel Lin’s blog.鱼说：“你看不见我眼中的泪，因为我在水中。”

水说：“我能感觉得到你的泪，因为你在我心中。”

这两句对白很经典，几乎谁都知道，但却很少人知道故事的全篇。

鱼儿从小就是一个顽皮的孩子，她从不像别的孩子那样安静。她喜欢在水里蹿来蹿去，先是个50米冲刺，然后来一个急刹车或是一个急转弯。每每这时，水儿总是 微笑地看着鱼儿……有时，鱼儿会碰到一些令人丧气的事，但在这时，温柔的水儿总是静静地倾听着，抚慰着鱼儿。白天，水儿把鱼儿轻轻抛起，让她跃出水面，看 看外面的世界，然后再将她稳稳地接住。到了夜里，水儿就成了最温暖的摇篮，他总是轻轻地摇晃，哄着鱼儿让她入睡。在夏天的夜晚里，水儿总是会将鱼儿拖到水 面 鱼儿渐渐长大了，她发现心里有一样东西让她牵挂——那就是水儿。

一天，鱼儿终于鼓足了勇气告诉了水儿她喜欢他，水儿却沉默了。“你为什么不说话？”鱼儿问。水仍旧沉默着，只是开始轻轻地摇着头。 妈妈说鱼儿不能爱水。这是大自然的规律，就好像斑马只能爱斑马，花豹只能爱花豹；条纹的只能爱条纹，斑点的又只能爱斑点，而斑点却是永远不能爱条纹的。
鱼儿不明白，如果条纹真的爱上了斑点，飞鸟真的爱上鱼而鱼儿真的爱上水，那又该如何呢？鱼儿不明白，她吐着泡泡对水说：“我爱你！”水儿再次沉寂，鱼儿没有再说什么，只是静静地躺在了水的怀里………… 许久， 鱼儿的开口打破了沉寂：“你看不见我眼中的泪，因为我在水中。” 水说：“我能感觉到你的泪，因为你在我心中。” 鱼儿急了：“那你为什么不爱我？” 水却只能说：“我不能爱你，我居无定所，时常到处漂流，你和我在一起会很辛苦的。”

鱼儿又坚定地说：“我不怕，我要永远和你在一起！” 可是，水终究逃不过漂流的命运，他流入了一条大河，鱼儿一直寸步不离地陪着他。他们相拥着饶过暗礁和险涛，流过江湖，跃下瀑布，流入一条小溪中。一路上，水儿将鱼儿轻轻抛起，又接住，再抛起，再接住，嬉闹着。水流越流越暖，最后竟快断流了！
“太好了，我们终于可以定居了。”鱼儿欢呼雀跃。 “ 不行，水面太浅，太危险了，乘现在还有退路，你赶快往回游吧！”水儿紧张地说。 “不，不管怎样，我决不离开你！”鱼儿坚决地说。 为了减少水的蒸发量，白天，鱼儿静静地躺在水的怀里，不作任何运动。到了夜里，星星全落到了水里，鱼儿才开始嬉戏，把星星一颗颗吞进去，又吐出来，再吞进去，再吐出来，乐此不疲。 六 月，火红的太阳照射着水面，尽管他们做了各种努力，可水儿还是在一点一点的蒸发。鱼儿的脊背渐渐地露出了水面，水儿努力地激起了波澜，湿润着她的脊背，不 让太阳将她灼伤。可是这样，更加加速了水的蒸发。终于，最后的一滴水也离开了鱼儿。鱼儿躺在了龟裂的土地上，奄奄一息。 鱼儿的心脏在完成了最后一次跳动时，一滴眼泪从脸颊滑落。 突然，天空划过一道闪电，在几声响雷之后，大雨倾盆而下，鱼儿又回到了水的怀抱，水儿呼唤着鱼儿，可是鱼儿再也没有醒来，水带着悲伤的心情载着鱼儿像风一样地奔驰，撕裂心肺的哭声，任谁都可以听到……………… 水儿载着鱼儿，奋力奔跑，流到了一棵干枯的小树旁，水儿侵入了泥土里，把鱼儿的身体埋进了泥土，水儿对着鱼儿已腐烂的尸体轻轻地说：“我们不用再到处奔流了，我找到了你的住所，从今以后，你中有我，我中有你…………” 不知道过了多少年，树顶上长出了嫩绿色的新芽，在上面有一滴水珠，阳光下闪闪发亮，那是鱼儿流下的眼泪…………
鱼说：“你看不见我眼中的泪，因为我在水中。”水说：“我能感觉到你的泪，因为你在我心中。”

鱼对水说：我一直在哭泣，可是你永远都不知道，因为我在水里.
水说：我知道，因为你一直在我心里。

我不是鱼，你也不是水，你能看见我寂寞的眼泪吗？
也许，因为这是寂寞的情人泪。

鱼对水说：我永远不会离开你，因为离开你，我无法生存。

水说：我知道，可是如果你的心不在呢？

我不是鱼，你也不是水，我不离开你是因为我爱你，
可是，你的心里有我吗 ？

鱼对水说：我很寂寞，因为我只能待在水里。

水说：我知道，因为我的心里装着你的寂寞。

我不是鱼，你也不是水，我寂寞是因为我思念你，
可是，远方的你能感受到吗？

水对鱼说：如果没有鱼，那水里还会剩下什么？

鱼说：如果没有你，那又怎么会有我？

我不是鱼，你也不是水，没有你的爱，我依然会好好的活，
可是，好好的活并不代表我可以把你忘记。

鱼对水说：一辈子不能出去看看外面的世界，是我最大的遗憾

水说：一辈子不能打消你的这个念头，是我最大的失败

我不是鱼，你也不是水，现在的我只想要一个一辈子的承诺
可是，你负担得起吗？

鱼对水说：在你的一生中，我是第几条鱼？
水说：你不是在水中的第一条鱼，可却是我心中的第一条。

我不是鱼，你也不是水，我们都不是彼此生命中的第一个，
可是，知道吗？你是第一个我想要嫁的人……

鱼对水说：你相信一见钟情吗？
水说：当我意识到你是鱼的那一刻，就知道你会游到我的心里。

我不是鱼，你也不是水，我以为我对你的感情不会长久，因为那是一见钟情 。
可是，我错了，感情如酒，越封越香，越长久。

鱼对水说：为什么每次都是我问你答？
水说：因为我喜欢在回答中让你了解我的心。

我不是鱼，你也不是水，为什么你总是让我等待？
难道，你不知道，等待=失去信心=放弃？
如果我是鱼，而你是水，那该有多好！
水永远都知道鱼的想法，因为鱼在水的心里。

但是我不是鱼，你也不是水，

你永远都不知道我的爱，因为我也许根本不在你的心里！

如果我是鱼，而你是水，

我可以游入你的心里吗?